Thursday, January 29, 2009

Sad News Happy Life

When I got the lab results a couple days ago that my numbers were not rising like they should I started to prepare myself for the ultrasound today; So, I was not surprised when they could only see a sac-at this point they should be able to see a hearbeat. All day I've just been wanting the day to pass and get past this but I decided that I at least want to write down the things that keep crossing my mind-this is my journal after all-so here are some random thoughts in no paticular order:

-Children are a miracle
-The Lord causes all things to work together for good for those who love Him
-I didn't realize how much I wanted another child
-My husband couldn't be more supportive.
-Andrea went through this also so she understands how it feels.
-I don't want to ever take for granted my family and friends
-God calls the womb the "secret place" and is in control of everything that happens there
-I am to be grateful for everything
-Through some mystery God allows trials to make us love Him more
-I have suffered very little in my life (so far)
-I really, really hope the Lord allows us to have another child
-My brother really loves his sister
-I'm a little concerned that having two miscarriages in a row may mean that we cannot have any more kids -silly, I know.
-I'm thinking that waiting to find out the results was worse than actually finding them out.
-I really tried to work on patience throught this process-I hope I improved.
-My mother is as sad (actually sadder) than I am about this-that's true motherly love.
-My cousins are priceless
-The Angry Whopper might not have been the best comfort food.
-And I'll end again with one of my favs "BE STILL and know that I am God."


Andrea Cervantes said...

Posted this on your note on facebook but wanted to put it here also!:
I love your thoughts on this. You are much loved and have been blessed many times over in your life - and I know you know that. I am sure you will have another child and will always be thankful for this experience and how you grew through it. Trials do humble us and bring us so much closer to God....for that we are thankful. I am sad for you and for me and for the kids but I know that God allowed this for your good and His glory. What a blessing to be able to rest in Him. Love you and am here for you! ♥

Andrea Cervantes said...

PS I also know how desperately you want a baby, after losing one...I remember that feeling so clearly. the Lord knows your innermost thoughts. take everything to Him, as I am sure you are.

Christine said...

I will be praying for you guys. I am so sorry for your loss. I know that desperate feeling of wanting a baby. I can understand your loss, although I have not ever experienced a miscarriage, I still can identify to some extent. I know you are strong and remember to remain strong in Him. Wait on the Lord for you know He has great things in store for you and your family. Unfortunately our humanness does not always help us in that understanding especially when we do not know what the future holds. I will pray for you!

Andrea said...

Oh Stefanie, I so appreciate your honestly and realness through this - posting these thoughts is an encrouagement to me in a completely different way - isn't God good! This is where true healing can begin when we keep our hearts open to God and to others. Bless you my friend - I will be praying for all of you through this time! Hugs, Andrea

tara said...

I am so sorry Stef. I hear you about the pain of waiting being worse than the news...the waiting almost prepares you for the news. Your story sounds so similar to mine...though I am especially sorry that this is your second miscarriage in such a short time...that makes it so much harder. Your thoughts written out are such an encouragement, keep on keeping on in the Lord!! Love you my friend.

Anonymous said...

I just love you Tefanie! I am so sorry for your loss, but rejoice knowing that you seek the Lord in all of this and trust in His plan! You still have seven children, and our God ordained that before the beginning of time! "How great is His goodness, and how great is His beauty."
Zechariah 9:17
Cousin Danielle

Terri Wilhelm said...

I didn't want to post this on FB so I'm glad I can comment here. Stef, you and I are separated soul sisters. I, like you, am very religious in my beliefs and often have days where I rely on Faith alone. I have had 5 miscarriages in my life. 1 was extremely brutal because I was 3.5 months along. I had another miscarriage that I think is similar to yours. I had just a grape-like sac that was mushy inside. I couldn't get pregnant for a year because of the potential of cervical cancer. I have just given up thinking I am blessed with my two boys. The heartache is not worth it. The Lord works in mysterious ways and not once have I blamed Him for anything. That in which we do, whether it be heartache or happiness, only makes us stronger. I try and turn everything into a positive and I think that drives Chris crazy. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Blessings to you and your beautiful family. *hugs*

Naomi Smith said...

hi Stefanie,
I'm hurting with you this morning.
thanks for sharing this; my heart was blessed by your tremendously practical example of what it means to dwell on what is good and pure and true.